I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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