First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
