I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
