it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
