I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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