chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I did not marry a roomba.
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