I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
