In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
