i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
