genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
