even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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