Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
