Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
