I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
soo... how was my night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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