sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
