You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
