Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
