I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
