I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize