i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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