She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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