so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize