i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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