There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
