I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
