Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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