3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
