She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
