i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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