oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
