My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
