I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
