i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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