Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
