You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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