My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
