508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
