Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
