New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
