Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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