His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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