She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
