I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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