but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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