This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
