I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
