so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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