it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
