well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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