You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
