bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
