Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
