So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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