I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize