Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
