btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
