Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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