sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need a beard to bite.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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