[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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