if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
