I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
