Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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