i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
