Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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