they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
